What to do if the friendship is harmful?

There are two main options. First, talk to your friend. If possible, let them know how unpleasant their behavior is. Choosing the first option is better if you want to save the friendship. The second option is to end the friendship.

1. Give them a second chance

They may not have always been harmful or do not understand how their behavior affects you. You can give them a second chance. If the person's behavior is not harmful but a lack of understanding, you should express your feelings to them and set clear boundaries. For example, "Your comments make me sad, please ask them not to do this in the future."

2. But giving them a chance is always wrong

If there are no positive benefits from the friendship and talking to them has not helped, it's time to end it. You can tell them how their behavior is affecting you, but you cannot force them to change. So it's best not to continue the friendship.

Such friends may promise to change and behave better temporarily. But if they still don't change their behavior, it's better not to continue the friendship.

3. Take time for yourself

Taking some time away from the friendship can help you understand your feelings and the importance of the relationship. If being away makes you feel good, it may be a sign to reconsider the friendship. If not bothering to see them makes you feel better, it's a strong reason to end the friendship. It's an effective way to gain clarity and self-analysis.

4. Set boundaries

If you want to maintain the friendship, boundaries are important. You should clearly tell them that you will not accept behaviors such as yelling at them over small things, lying, gossiping, or canceling plans without giving a reason. You should tell them how these behaviors affect you. If these behaviors don't change, it's best to end the relationship.

5. Practice moving on

When you realize you need to end the friendship, tell them. It's a good idea to meet with them and explain why you don't want to continue the relationship.

You should practice organizing your thoughts by telling them this. This will help you build confidence and stick to your decision.

6. Be clear

Be clear about why you don't want to continue the relationship with your friend. Don't be vague about the status of the friendship. If they don't want to end the friendship and try to break contact or blame you, calmly but firmly reiterate your decision. Ignore their angry or aggressive responses.

7. Think carefully before reconnecting

If you decide to break contact with a harmful friend, you should trust your judgment and avoid responding to contact attempts. As time goes by, you can think about the good times you spent together and wonder if they have changed. However, you should remember why the friendship ended. Resuming it can be painful, so give it some time before reconsidering.

People can change, and if your friend sincerely apologizes, you may want to consider resuming the friendship.

8. Talk openly with others

Being stuck in a harmful friendship can make you feel embarrassed, confused, or distrustful of others. If you've become isolated from other friends, it can be difficult to reconnect.

If some of your good friends are in this situation, you should reach out to them and explain the situation. This can help you regain positive friendships.